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Honestly, Honesty

It seems to me like every time a rule is placed before me, no matter how important it is, or how much I want to follow it, my brain won’t let me. Then it ends up being the biggest obstacle in my life. I gotta be honest, it really pisses me off.
Right now that struggle is getting up at 8:00 in the morning, and being in bed by midnight. Ever since this rule has been set for me, not once have I been able to do both in the same day, and I really hate myself for it. It’s basically like this: I’m exhausted all throughout my day, I get home from school, lay in bed, and the next thing I know, my brain won’t shut off and it’s 3:22AM.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

Honestly though, lately it seems like my heart, AND my brain don’t get a break. People seem to think I’m so strong, and that I can handle so much, when in reality, I feel like I just keep SINKING.
I really wish someone(Doesn’t have to be male, doesn’t have to be female) would just be there for me, and stay there for me. However, evidently I don’t deserve that. At least not yet. Either that, or I drive people away. Most likely the latter.
I honestly have so much in my head lately, that I don’t even know where to begin. Well, perhaps at the beginning.
I’m starting to really get scared about my future. Today we were working on speed drills in class for blow drying, and God, Chelsea(My learning leader), has a way of making me want to kill myself right on campus. Don’t get me wrong. I love her, she is a sweetheart, but she just makes me feel so insecure about everything I do. I understand that is her job; to help me improve as a stylist, but I definitely think there is a better way to approach the situation.
As I was telling Mario(Another learning leader) earlier this week, she always goes straight to what I’m doing wrong, but never really encourages what I’m doing right. I’m definitely someone who needs a more positive approach.
To be completely honest, I’m just terrified I’m never going to improve. I just feel so stressed out about everything Paul Mitchell right now(Financial Aid, my peers, my work, etc), and I just don’t know how to stop it.
I just want to be GOOD ENOUGH.

Earlier this week. Trying out this whole headband thing #selfie #pixiecut #shorthairdontcare #polkadots #headband #tomboygirly #hair #idohair

Earlier this week. Trying out this whole headband thing #selfie #pixiecut #shorthairdontcare #polkadots #headband #tomboygirly #hair #idohair

I look a LOT like my mom in this picture, it’s kind of scary #selfie #newhair #parentlookalike

I look a LOT like my mom in this picture, it’s kind of scary #selfie #newhair #parentlookalike

Would travel the ends of the Earth to work for this man. #genostampora #beacon2014 #inlove #beauty #businesscardexchange

Would travel the ends of the Earth to work for this man. #genostampora #beacon2014 #inlove #beauty #businesscardexchange

I’m Sorry

Hey guys, it’s Stephanie! Yeah, I’m surprised I’m here too. But…I’m here. And I hope someone out there appreciates that. This is going to sound like the same old excuses, but I assure you it’s not. I have had a lot going on the past few months. My internet has been limited to two hours a day, I have to be in bed by 12:00 most nights, and I have had a lot of busy, stressful nights at school. Not that I don’t love that, it’s good stress. However, that doesn’t not leave me much time to blog. So first of all, I wanted to say sorry to those of you who miss me. It’s kind of out of my hands at the moment. Maybe soon it will be in my control, but at this time, I can’t tell you when that day will come. However, our air conditioning is out right now, and while I was laying in bed in my underwear trying not to feel like a slow cooked pot roast, I was thinking about you guys, and how long it’s been, and I figured I would take a few minutes to say hey.
Life has been pretty insane lately. I’ve decided to face facts and finally realize that my entire relationship with Ethan was a lie, and well, I’ve moved on. He has since come out of the closet, and that’s great. I’m happy for him. However, I’m still mad at him for lying to me about everything for over a year. I’m sure you all understand. Just when you think you love someone, they mess with your emotions. I really don’t need that in my life.
In other news, my brother and his wife have announced that they are having a baby, and that it will be a baby boy, and will be due in November. Considering we share some genes, and we are born in the same month, I hope we have a really great relationship. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit lost for a while now. I feel like I’ve been needing to care, and nurture someone, and I am thinking this baby boy is just what I’ve been needing. I guess we’ll see.
As some have you may have observed, back in February, I entered a US wide hair competition called Beacon, with which I wrote a blog called ‘Who Am I?’ Well, I am pleased to announce that I have received an honorable mention, and have won the opportunity to go to Las Vegas again to meet Mark Cuban(from Shark Tank), Vivienne Mackinder, Sam Villa, Winn Claybaugh(For the second time), and many others. As well as getting this opportunity, I will also be attending the red carpet event called NAHA, standing for North American Hairstyling Awards. I leave in 13 days, and I am beyond floored and excited to have this opportunity.

For now, I’d say that’s all that is going on. I don’t have many friends, and I don’t talk very often, but the few friends I have are lovely. Really, that is all I could ask for. I can’t say I will blog again soon, because I truly don’t know if I will have the chance, but know that I miss you…All of you. I hope you are well. I love you. Keep it sassy! <3

#selfiesaturday #selfie #fotd #spikes

#selfiesaturday #selfie #fotd #spikes

Happy #Tinablackday @tinamblack I love you! <3 #allpinkeverything #pmtsgl #pmtslife #pmts

#nails #nailart #nailartist #tribalnails #tribal #orly #orlyglowstick #essie #essiepeachdaquiri #peachdaquiri  #summer #summernails #notd #colorful #loud #print

#nails #nailart #nailartist #tribalnails #tribal #orly #orlyglowstick #essie #essiepeachdaquiri #peachdaquiri #summer #summernails #notd #colorful #loud #print

@angusmitchell_  @paulmitchelledu I mean, if you ever want a free model for Inkworks, or even the curl line, I&#8217;m so down, shoot me a message! :) #inkworks #curls #pmtslife #pmtsgl #hair #hairspiration #lovemyhair #hotpink #purple #paulmitchell #color #angusmitchell

@angusmitchell_ @paulmitchelledu I mean, if you ever want a free model for Inkworks, or even the curl line, I’m so down, shoot me a message! :) #inkworks #curls #pmtslife #pmtsgl #hair #hairspiration #lovemyhair #hotpink #purple #paulmitchell #color #angusmitchell

Very excited I got the last #paulmitchell #vintagecollection 413 brush our school had. In love with #prettythings #pmtslife #excited #tools #paulmitchellprotools #love @angusmitchell_

Very excited I got the last #paulmitchell #vintagecollection 413 brush our school had. In love with #prettythings #pmtslife #excited #tools #paulmitchellprotools #love @angusmitchell_