Do you ever have those days where you just…
Little woodland animal themed drawing I did in the back of a book for my first nephew coming in November. I hope he loves me as much as I love him already. Done with Sharpie, colored pencil, and crayons.
My #love for #boldmakeup is very strong too. #bold #makeup #mua #fotd #inspired #wouldbewrongwithoutaboldlip #acid #pmtsgreatlakes #pmtsgl #coslife #vintageortacky @vintageortacky
Those Who Think They Know Me
I hate when people think they know me. Know my personality, know my emotions, who I am inside, what I think, what I feel, and what I don’t feel. I HATE it, that people ‘listen’ to me, and make up some bull about what it is that I’m trying to do, like I’m some desperate person, who feels the need to trap people.
Maybe I don’t say the things in my head, but that doesn’t mean it’s your moment to guess, or assume. To be real, that makes me more angry than anything. A friend, or even a family member, for that matter is supposed to be someone who loves you, respects you, and doesn’t pass judgement of you, even if something you say or do is questionable in their eyes. A friend is someone who is supposed to BE THERE. Not someone who walks in and out when it is convenient for them, and then when they are there for a moment, and you try to acknowledge them, and realize you shouldn’t, they tell you what’s in your head, or rather, what they THINK, is in your head, even if it’s wrong.
I doubt I make sense at all anymore, I’m just very angry.
I think it’s safe to say per definition, I have no ‘friends’.
#love these #nails I did #nailart #tribal #pmtsgreatlakes #blackandwhitelife #essie #orly #wasntthatdifficult
#classicmakeup never goes out of #style #classic #makeup #fotd #thewing #redliplife #shorthairdontcare #selfie
It seems to me like every time a rule is placed before me, no matter how important it is, or how much I want to follow it, my brain won’t let me. Then it ends up being the biggest obstacle in my life. I gotta be honest, it really pisses me off.
Right now that struggle is getting up at 8:00 in the morning, and being in bed by midnight. Ever since this rule has been set for me, not once have I been able to do both in the same day, and I really hate myself for it. It’s basically like this: I’m exhausted all throughout my day, I get home from school, lay in bed, and the next thing I know, my brain won’t shut off and it’s 3:22AM.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?
Honestly though, lately it seems like my heart, AND my brain don’t get a break. People seem to think I’m so strong, and that I can handle so much, when in reality, I feel like I just keep SINKING.
I really wish someone(Doesn’t have to be male, doesn’t have to be female) would just be there for me, and stay there for me. However, evidently I don’t deserve that. At least not yet. Either that, or I drive people away. Most likely the latter.
I honestly have so much in my head lately, that I don’t even know where to begin. Well, perhaps at the beginning.
I’m starting to really get scared about my future. Today we were working on speed drills in class for blow drying, and God, Chelsea(My learning leader), has a way of making me want to kill myself right on campus. Don’t get me wrong. I love her, she is a sweetheart, but she just makes me feel so insecure about everything I do. I understand that is her job; to help me improve as a stylist, but I definitely think there is a better way to approach the situation.
As I was telling Mario(Another learning leader) earlier this week, she always goes straight to what I’m doing wrong, but never really encourages what I’m doing right. I’m definitely someone who needs a more positive approach.
To be completely honest, I’m just terrified I’m never going to improve. I just feel so stressed out about everything Paul Mitchell right now(Financial Aid, my peers, my work, etc), and I just don’t know how to stop it.
I just want to be GOOD ENOUGH.